Tourists do the main quest. We do the side quests.
Any agency can sell you the Eiffel Tower. Based Goy takes small crews to the places the algorithm tells you to fear — Pyongyang, the Wakhan, the Kyrgyz high pastures — because that's where the XP is. Real places, real people, real stories you didn't rent.
Russia — Winter Rails
A trip to see Russian culture with your own eyes. Raw adventure, real places, and a story worth telling when you get back.
“Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.”
George Orwell, 1984Governments work tirelessly to distort the public's perception of the past.
The quest board
Small parties, hand-built itineraries, zero tour-bus energy. Pick your quest, read the log, apply. I review every application myself — this only works if the crew is right.
Russia — Winter Rails
2027 · dates being finalised
A trip to see Russian culture with your own eyes. Raw adventure, real places, and a story worth telling when you get back.
Destination TBA
The first quest sold out at 12/12 before it was ever advertised. Get on the list and you hear about the next one before the board does.
Join the listApply
Tell me why you want in and who you are. Two honest paragraphs beat a CV.
Review
I read every application personally and reply to all of them, accepted or not.
Lock your spot
Accepted? 50% deposit secures your place in the party.
Final payment
The remaining 50% is due two months before departure. Then we fly.
Open party board
Got a quest of your own? Post it here and find people mad enough to come with you. It goes straight on the board — scams and weird energy get deleted.
No player-made quests on the board yet. Be the first to post one.
Quest log: completed
Scouted solo or with a small crew before they ever became trips. Click any of them for the story. Photos from the archive are being added — every tile below is a live photo slot.
Escape the nutrition matrix
Most of what is sold to us as 'nutrition advice' is marketing in a lab coat — often funded by a food industry that just wants to find the best way to sell us food we shouldn't even be eating. Then comes the pharmaceutical industry, which lives off the result. A tired, inflamed person managing symptoms with pills is a customer for life — and nobody in this chain earns a cent from you being healthy. You don't need to believe in conspiracies: just understand that the incentives are all against you, and distrust anyone who 'advises' you with that conflict of interest. So I want to teach you a simpler, more primal way of eating: few ingredients, quality food, organic when it really matters, and nothing you can't pronounce — or that has more ingredients than a nuclear bomb. The result goes far beyond the scale. Eating this way — quality fat, animal protein, eggs, red meat, real sun and real sleep — creates the conditions for your body to produce the testosterone it should produce. And with it comes the rest: libido, energy, focus, confidence. No injections, no miracle supplements, nothing artificial. Just food, habits and consistency. In 5–6 months you won't need me anymore. You'll know how to shop, cook and feed yourself like a functional human being, for the rest of your life. Ideal for those who are tired of hearing that eggs are bad, that red meat is the enemy, and that being healthy means complicating what was always simple.
Hyrox Lisbon, doubles. I don't sell anything I don't do myself.
One-time call
One call to audit your plate, your head, or your next move — nutrition, books, sport, travel, propaganda, geopolitics or relationships.
- ▸30-minute one-to-one video call
- ▸Audit of your current eating habits
- ▸Spot the worst packaged impostors on your menu
- ▸3 first real-food swaps you can do tomorrow
- ▸Open table for books, sport, travel, propaganda, geopolitics or relationships
- ▸Written summary by email
One-off — we pick the slot together by email
Call hours: weekdays 19:00–00:00, weekends 13:00–20:00 (Lisbon time)
Mentorship
Direct access. Nothing outsourced. 5–6 months to go primal: few ingredients, real food, no labels you can't pronounce.
- ▸Weekly one-to-one call
- ▸WhatsApp access to me whenever you have questions
- ▸Primal nutrition: organic, simple, food that doesn't need a marketing team
- ▸Learn to shop, cook and eat without counting calories
- ▸Sunlight, sleep and recovery protocol
- ▸Confidence, purpose and social-life work
- ▸Space for books, sport, travel, sex, confidence and geopolitics — nothing is off the table
- ▸Priority acceptance on quests
7 of 20 spots open — 13 already taken
Start the resetApply by email. I review every application — payment is arranged after you're accepted. No checkout on the site.
Talk to a human (me)
No checkout, no meal-plan app. Email me, tell me where you're stuck, and we set it up — usually within a day. joaogoytrips@gmail.com
Email JoaoField notes & ammunition
Travel reports, training, food, books and the occasional argument. Comments are open — disagree all you like, but bring reasons.
Raw footage, field notes, and the occasional unfiltered opinion
No algorithm-friendly highlights. Just what actually happened, where it happened, and the people who were there.
Hi — I'm Joao.
I got tired of two things at the same time: holidays that felt like queueing with extra steps, and health advice that came with a barcode. So I started travelling to the places everyone warned me about, and eating the way my great-grandfather did. Both worked out.
Now I run both under one roof. The quests take small groups of men somewhere unforgettable. The mentorship handles what happens between trips — the training, the food, the confidence, the reading list. The blog is where we argue about all of it.
No middlemen, no travel-agency script, no supplement sponsorships. Just the itineraries I'd want and the habits that actually moved my own numbers.
Request to join a quest
This isn't a checkout — it's an application. Tell me why this trip, and who you are. I read everything myself and answer within a few days. If accepted: 50% deposit to lock the spot, the rest two months before departure.
How you pay once accepted
No checkout on this site by design — money only moves after your application is accepted. 50% locks the spot, 50% is due two months before departure. When you're in, I email you from joaogoytrips@gmail.com and we arrange the deposit directly. Old school, like the trips.